I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
