she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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