I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
