I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
