At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
