and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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