ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
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well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
