he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize