Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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