Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Randomize
