Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
