Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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