Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
