somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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