I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
