I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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