I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
