I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
