I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
