I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
