He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
