whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
