Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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