I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
