Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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