I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
