And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
