when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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