matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
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