i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
