is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
