How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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