Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
