Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I want to have your abortion
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
