when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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