Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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