Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
