M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
