Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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