I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
