had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
