Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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