i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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