Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
