That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
