Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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