I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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