A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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