he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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