and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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